Betty ford says i'm here all night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
