we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
