in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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