So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
