she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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