So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
