omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
