I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
