she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
