Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
