I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
