this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
