I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
