If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
