but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
