Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
