Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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