I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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