all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
