There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I understand Curling. That high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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