My room smells like vodka and shame
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
