So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
