what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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