So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
