She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
