glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
