Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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