Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
