Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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