Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
