So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
