I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
