threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
