im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
