Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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