how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
