we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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