I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
