it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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