how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
