We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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