smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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