Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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