i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
