Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i believe in u and ur pee
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