I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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