Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
