you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
