I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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