why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
