Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
