I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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