He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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