toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
