Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
