Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
