i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
