3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
