The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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