laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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