C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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