i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
