Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
