My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
