We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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