New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
