Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
