We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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