When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
